28 Weeks (continued) - I am a mother.
[I thought this deserved its own post.]
The other reflection I wanted to share was my 'coming to terms' with being preggers. It definitely took a while, nearly two-thirds of the time of pregnancy. But I finally feel that I have accepted being pregnant. I know that sounds kinda silly since I've been knocked up the whole time I've been complaining about it, but something in my way of thinking shifted about a month ago. I know some people would call it self-esteem, and maybe they're right, but I think something caused my perspective to change, which enabled me to fully accept that I am pregnant.
[Insert a minute or two of pondering before...an 'a-ha' moment!]
I think it was the day I watched the circumcision video. In fact, I'm sure of it.
Dave introduced me to Stefan Molyneux's radio show: Freedomain Radio. Every now and then, he'd listen to Stef's podcasts while I was around, and I found myself really agreeing with his views and thoroughly enjoying his philosophies and opinions on topics that Dave and I have discussed. Well, I finally decided to subscribe to his show on my own and began listening to Stef (usually on my drives to and from work). A few weeks ago (not sure when, but it was recent), one of his shows titled 'The Truth about Circumcision' showed up in my queue. I was at work on my lunch break and decided to listen to it. It was long, but as I was doing some mundane code testing, I figured it wouldn't be too distracting. Boy, was I ever wrong. First of all, I hadn't realized it was a video podcast (not just audio), so it definitely took over all of my attention. Secondly, there was a video of an infant boy, who was still wearing the turnip hat from the hospital (I cannot watch the video again to be certain. Sorry.), undergoing the circumcision procedure.
Click here if you want to watch the video podcast on YouTube. The part where they actually show the procedure is from minutes 3:03-4:42...(in case you want to skip the rest of the video). Though, I recommend watching the entire broadcast if you have time. Stef provides enormous amounts of data and statistics and really interesting information about circumcision.
The day I watched this video podcast was the first day I ever felt the 'protective mother' instinct. It hit me so strongly that I hid at my desk for nearly 20 minutes and just sobbed for the poor boy in the video...and for all the poor boys who had this procedure done to them (without anesthesia, I might add). [I won't go into my views on the 'the baby won't remember the pain' comment, but just know that I absolutely disagree with this mutilation of an infant boy, especially just after he emerges from the womb...as if childbirth wasn't traumatic enough. That rant would be an entire separate blog post.] I was worked up for the rest of that day and most of the next. I imagined for a second (and kept imagining) that it was my son, and then the anger and rage hit me with such fierceness that it rendered me unable to speak or think past helping that baby for quite a while. I had heard about this protective instinct, and it wasn't until I saw how much *I* was willing to do without hesitation to protect William that I understood why people truly fear mothers protecting their babes...(ex: bears, gorillas, lions, ducks, geese...any animal really). Normally, I'm not a violent person. I don't want to inflict harm on anyone, but in that moment when I picture my baby on the table with his legs being held open by a nurse and a doctor snipping at his body while he's screaming his tiny head off, visions of what I wanted to do to protect the child scared me into a different state of reality. Other new mom's may not have as visceral a response as I did, but there's no denying that I changed right then and there. I am a mother.
Since that moment, I have been surprisingly accepting of the miseries of pregnancy...past, present, and future. I see it as par for the course. Honestly, the pregnancy part is going to be over very soon. My due date is approaching blazingly fast, and though the unknown pain of labor and delivery still follows me around each day, I can't help but wonder what it feels like and wonder how well I can handle the pain and the challenge of childbirth.
I cry at nearly every birthing video I see...usually at the moment when the baby goes FLWUMP! out of the mother and is put immediately on the mother's chest. Yep. Even just thinking about it, I start to tear up.
For myself, I hope for an uncomplicated birth and a healthy baby...(and secretly hope he decides to emerge early as opposed to weeks late). If he doesn't oblige, that's fine too. One can continue to hope, right? Either way, I am a mother... and that makes me smile.
The other reflection I wanted to share was my 'coming to terms' with being preggers. It definitely took a while, nearly two-thirds of the time of pregnancy. But I finally feel that I have accepted being pregnant. I know that sounds kinda silly since I've been knocked up the whole time I've been complaining about it, but something in my way of thinking shifted about a month ago. I know some people would call it self-esteem, and maybe they're right, but I think something caused my perspective to change, which enabled me to fully accept that I am pregnant.
[Insert a minute or two of pondering before...an 'a-ha' moment!]
I think it was the day I watched the circumcision video. In fact, I'm sure of it.
Dave introduced me to Stefan Molyneux's radio show: Freedomain Radio. Every now and then, he'd listen to Stef's podcasts while I was around, and I found myself really agreeing with his views and thoroughly enjoying his philosophies and opinions on topics that Dave and I have discussed. Well, I finally decided to subscribe to his show on my own and began listening to Stef (usually on my drives to and from work). A few weeks ago (not sure when, but it was recent), one of his shows titled 'The Truth about Circumcision' showed up in my queue. I was at work on my lunch break and decided to listen to it. It was long, but as I was doing some mundane code testing, I figured it wouldn't be too distracting. Boy, was I ever wrong. First of all, I hadn't realized it was a video podcast (not just audio), so it definitely took over all of my attention. Secondly, there was a video of an infant boy, who was still wearing the turnip hat from the hospital (I cannot watch the video again to be certain. Sorry.), undergoing the circumcision procedure.
Click here if you want to watch the video podcast on YouTube. The part where they actually show the procedure is from minutes 3:03-4:42...(in case you want to skip the rest of the video). Though, I recommend watching the entire broadcast if you have time. Stef provides enormous amounts of data and statistics and really interesting information about circumcision.
The day I watched this video podcast was the first day I ever felt the 'protective mother' instinct. It hit me so strongly that I hid at my desk for nearly 20 minutes and just sobbed for the poor boy in the video...and for all the poor boys who had this procedure done to them (without anesthesia, I might add). [I won't go into my views on the 'the baby won't remember the pain' comment, but just know that I absolutely disagree with this mutilation of an infant boy, especially just after he emerges from the womb...as if childbirth wasn't traumatic enough. That rant would be an entire separate blog post.] I was worked up for the rest of that day and most of the next. I imagined for a second (and kept imagining) that it was my son, and then the anger and rage hit me with such fierceness that it rendered me unable to speak or think past helping that baby for quite a while. I had heard about this protective instinct, and it wasn't until I saw how much *I* was willing to do without hesitation to protect William that I understood why people truly fear mothers protecting their babes...(ex: bears, gorillas, lions, ducks, geese...any animal really). Normally, I'm not a violent person. I don't want to inflict harm on anyone, but in that moment when I picture my baby on the table with his legs being held open by a nurse and a doctor snipping at his body while he's screaming his tiny head off, visions of what I wanted to do to protect the child scared me into a different state of reality. Other new mom's may not have as visceral a response as I did, but there's no denying that I changed right then and there. I am a mother.
Since that moment, I have been surprisingly accepting of the miseries of pregnancy...past, present, and future. I see it as par for the course. Honestly, the pregnancy part is going to be over very soon. My due date is approaching blazingly fast, and though the unknown pain of labor and delivery still follows me around each day, I can't help but wonder what it feels like and wonder how well I can handle the pain and the challenge of childbirth.
I cry at nearly every birthing video I see...usually at the moment when the baby goes FLWUMP! out of the mother and is put immediately on the mother's chest. Yep. Even just thinking about it, I start to tear up.
For myself, I hope for an uncomplicated birth and a healthy baby...(and secretly hope he decides to emerge early as opposed to weeks late). If he doesn't oblige, that's fine too. One can continue to hope, right? Either way, I am a mother... and that makes me smile.
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