Week 13 - Prenatal Downs...and then Ups
I was very hesitant about publishing this blog post because, in it, I admit that I don't absolutely love everything about being pregnant, which goes against nearly every "how wonderful" and "you must be so excited" comment that has been spoken to me. However, I think it's important to let other expecting mothers-to-be, who are going through something similar, know that they're not the only ones and know that it's okay and you'll work through it. Having said that, here's what's been going the last 2 weeks:
The Downs
I'm beginning to learn that there are some unspoken things about pregnancy that probably should be discussed. One of them is prenatal depression. About 3 weeks ago, I was really anxious about sharing the news of the pregnancy with my in-laws. Then 2 weeks ago after we told them, their joy overwhelmed my anxiety, which put those fears to rest. However, a week ago--just after we got back from vacation, I still had some kind of anxiety that practically ate away all my motivation to do anything. I just wanted to sit, eat, and get lost in "other worlds" (watch TV shows on Netflix) and not really think about anything. Yeah, I was distracting myself.
The day I returned to work was the day that I decided to share the News with folks at my work place. All the words of 'Congratulations' distracted me a little from the underlying anxiety, but by Tuesday, I couldn't shake the feeling of gloom. I recognized the signs of depression and was (finally) able to distinguish them from the pregnancy symptoms. That part was a little challenging as the fatigue and not wanting to do much of anything is quite similar to what I felt in the first trimester. Plus, I had a couple moments over the weekend when I just started crying over something as simple as thinking I had lost Dave's car keys when I was doing stuff in the yard. (Turns out he had his keys in his pocket and I hadn't "lost" them at all. Yep. I ended up all-out bawling after this little episode.)
Anyway, once the word "depression" crossed my mind, I was convinced that is what it was--having gone through it before. So I messaged a friend and told her of my suspicion. Here's what she told me (and I'm paraphrasing for most of this since it was through a messaging medium):
The Ups
I was very glad that I did try to talk about it with someone because some of what she said hit home with me. It was the part about people not talking about it because this is supposed to be a joyous thing. That was it exactly. I was constantly surrounded by people saying how wonderful and how happy they were for me--for us--AND saying "you must be so excited." But no one seemed to truly get how much trouble I was having coping with the not-so-great parts of pregnancy. [Granted, I admit that my experience with morning sickness has been really tame. I am uber-thankful that I haven't had to hang my head over a toilet at all (so far), but I did have the tiredness really bad.] But back to the point: Maybe *I* didn't quite get how much trouble I was having, so how could anyone else? Truth be told, I think my mom got it. She asked me several times why I was SO tired, and at the time, I was confusing the depression symptom with the pregnancy symptom so I dismissed her inquiries with "I'm pregnant." (My momma--so observant and smart! <3 ) Guess I ought to pay more attention to Mom, huh? hehe... In hindsight, I probably should have talked to my mom, or mom-in-law, about it since they've been through pregnancy before...but in the midst of feeling like that, you don't usually think too clearly...at least, I don't.)
Well, after the texting from the friend, I felt better. I didn't feel so alone knowing that I wasn't the only one who had reservations about being pregnant. Armed with feeling better and the hopelessness diminishing, I took action (which, by the way, is truly the only effective defense I have found against depression) and found this article about Prenatal Depression from the Huffington Post. The post is about 7 months old, but in my opinion, its contents are still highly relevant.
The remainder of this past week improved greatly after that one texting session, and to my friend, you have my sincerest thanks! There's little else worse than feeling down and miserable and thinking you're the only one experiencing that. I have been looking for a new mom's meetup group to join, but the only one that seems to fit what I am looking for meets weekly on Thursday mornings. With my work schedule, I can never make that, so I am left with communicating with people I know who have already been pregnant.
To set the record straight, I *LOVE* being pregnant and knowing that I'm growing a baby. I can hardly wait to meet the Bebby, and that anticipation is kinda fun. However, the not-so-great symptoms leave much to be desired. I struggle nearly every day with losing my more-defined-hourglass-figure that I worked so hard to achieve, but I tell myself that I did it once and I can do it again.
Today, I am at Week 13, and it is already off to a better start than Week 12. I look forward to what my friend, Karen, has described as the "honeymoon phase" of pregnancy.
The Downs
I'm beginning to learn that there are some unspoken things about pregnancy that probably should be discussed. One of them is prenatal depression. About 3 weeks ago, I was really anxious about sharing the news of the pregnancy with my in-laws. Then 2 weeks ago after we told them, their joy overwhelmed my anxiety, which put those fears to rest. However, a week ago--just after we got back from vacation, I still had some kind of anxiety that practically ate away all my motivation to do anything. I just wanted to sit, eat, and get lost in "other worlds" (watch TV shows on Netflix) and not really think about anything. Yeah, I was distracting myself.
The day I returned to work was the day that I decided to share the News with folks at my work place. All the words of 'Congratulations' distracted me a little from the underlying anxiety, but by Tuesday, I couldn't shake the feeling of gloom. I recognized the signs of depression and was (finally) able to distinguish them from the pregnancy symptoms. That part was a little challenging as the fatigue and not wanting to do much of anything is quite similar to what I felt in the first trimester. Plus, I had a couple moments over the weekend when I just started crying over something as simple as thinking I had lost Dave's car keys when I was doing stuff in the yard. (Turns out he had his keys in his pocket and I hadn't "lost" them at all. Yep. I ended up all-out bawling after this little episode.)
Anyway, once the word "depression" crossed my mind, I was convinced that is what it was--having gone through it before. So I messaged a friend and told her of my suspicion. Here's what she told me (and I'm paraphrasing for most of this since it was through a messaging medium):
I went through something similar. I wanted to rebel--act crazy--as well as quit my job, move to Mexico, etc. I had trouble coping for well over the first 6 months [of my first pregnancy]. So I ended up working a lot and pretending like nothing was wrong. Admittedly, it wasn't the best way to cope. People react differently to hormones of being pregnant, but also the emotional toll of losing yourself and your freedoms to a certain degree. It happens to most women, but they don't discuss it since having a baby is supposed to be joyous...you feel odd about it, much less admit it, you know.
The Ups
I was very glad that I did try to talk about it with someone because some of what she said hit home with me. It was the part about people not talking about it because this is supposed to be a joyous thing. That was it exactly. I was constantly surrounded by people saying how wonderful and how happy they were for me--for us--AND saying "you must be so excited." But no one seemed to truly get how much trouble I was having coping with the not-so-great parts of pregnancy. [Granted, I admit that my experience with morning sickness has been really tame. I am uber-thankful that I haven't had to hang my head over a toilet at all (so far), but I did have the tiredness really bad.] But back to the point: Maybe *I* didn't quite get how much trouble I was having, so how could anyone else? Truth be told, I think my mom got it. She asked me several times why I was SO tired, and at the time, I was confusing the depression symptom with the pregnancy symptom so I dismissed her inquiries with "I'm pregnant." (My momma--so observant and smart! <3 ) Guess I ought to pay more attention to Mom, huh? hehe... In hindsight, I probably should have talked to my mom, or mom-in-law, about it since they've been through pregnancy before...but in the midst of feeling like that, you don't usually think too clearly...at least, I don't.)
Well, after the texting from the friend, I felt better. I didn't feel so alone knowing that I wasn't the only one who had reservations about being pregnant. Armed with feeling better and the hopelessness diminishing, I took action (which, by the way, is truly the only effective defense I have found against depression) and found this article about Prenatal Depression from the Huffington Post. The post is about 7 months old, but in my opinion, its contents are still highly relevant.
The remainder of this past week improved greatly after that one texting session, and to my friend, you have my sincerest thanks! There's little else worse than feeling down and miserable and thinking you're the only one experiencing that. I have been looking for a new mom's meetup group to join, but the only one that seems to fit what I am looking for meets weekly on Thursday mornings. With my work schedule, I can never make that, so I am left with communicating with people I know who have already been pregnant.
To set the record straight, I *LOVE* being pregnant and knowing that I'm growing a baby. I can hardly wait to meet the Bebby, and that anticipation is kinda fun. However, the not-so-great symptoms leave much to be desired. I struggle nearly every day with losing my more-defined-hourglass-figure that I worked so hard to achieve, but I tell myself that I did it once and I can do it again.
Today, I am at Week 13, and it is already off to a better start than Week 12. I look forward to what my friend, Karen, has described as the "honeymoon phase" of pregnancy.
Glad you found someone to talk to about it, it can be a real struggle. Even without growing into full on depression, dealing with that first trimester can be so mentally and physically draining; crying at the drop of a hat sounds familiar. Your emotions will be all over the place for most of the pregnancy; all those extra hormones coursing through you. I'm so glad your energy has kicked in now, I think you're going to see a real shift in the coming weeks.
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