Love
I was watching tv tonight, and William fell asleep in my lap. He doesn't do it often because the tv usually draws his attention, but I suppose I sufficiently wore him out today. I took him to the neighborhood playground and let him crawl around, slide down the slide, crawl up the slide (with a little help), and go up and down the stairs (with Momma hovering every nervous second), but he got in some good practice. His muscles are probably really sore, which is why he fell asleep in my lap amongst the noise of Dancing with the Stars.
Anyway, while I was watching this sweet babe's peaceful face in my lap, I noticed how "grown up" his face looked. I wondered what that face will look like when he's 5. And 10. And 15. And 21. People say that it goes by quickly, and they aren't wrong. But tonight it felt a little bittersweet to have reality set in. He IS going to grow up so fast, and I won't be the sun-and-moon-and-stars to this kid. He's going to grow up and find other passions and loves, but knowing that for right now, that I (ok, and his dad) am the center of his universe is wonderful and scary. Wonderful, because who wouldn't want someone to love you that much? But scary, because I don't want to let this person down.
He's such an amazing kid, and I am so grateful that I get to watch over him, love him, and guide him every day. I was telling Dave the other day that I finally get what other mothers have meant when they told me that having a baby was hard but worth it. I get it now. It took having a child to learn what "loving your job" really means. I barely get time for myself, but learning to love even the tough parts is a great lesson. Maybe even a skill. I've never really loved my job before (ok--there was a short period of time where I did love my job at the Farm, but it didn't last long), but I sure do now. Some things are less than stellar (stinky diapers, sore nipples, and getting woken up frequently at night), but getting that little guy to laugh, watching him learn and grow and solve problems that we (as adults) figured out years and years ago is just...rewarding.
Oops. He's up. Gotta run.
Anyway, while I was watching this sweet babe's peaceful face in my lap, I noticed how "grown up" his face looked. I wondered what that face will look like when he's 5. And 10. And 15. And 21. People say that it goes by quickly, and they aren't wrong. But tonight it felt a little bittersweet to have reality set in. He IS going to grow up so fast, and I won't be the sun-and-moon-and-stars to this kid. He's going to grow up and find other passions and loves, but knowing that for right now, that I (ok, and his dad) am the center of his universe is wonderful and scary. Wonderful, because who wouldn't want someone to love you that much? But scary, because I don't want to let this person down.
He's such an amazing kid, and I am so grateful that I get to watch over him, love him, and guide him every day. I was telling Dave the other day that I finally get what other mothers have meant when they told me that having a baby was hard but worth it. I get it now. It took having a child to learn what "loving your job" really means. I barely get time for myself, but learning to love even the tough parts is a great lesson. Maybe even a skill. I've never really loved my job before (ok--there was a short period of time where I did love my job at the Farm, but it didn't last long), but I sure do now. Some things are less than stellar (stinky diapers, sore nipples, and getting woken up frequently at night), but getting that little guy to laugh, watching him learn and grow and solve problems that we (as adults) figured out years and years ago is just...rewarding.
Oops. He's up. Gotta run.
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