Necessary Time
I took some time this morning (8:55-10:20) to attend an exercise class. It's the only one I've been able to attend in about 3-4 weeks. A little over a year ago, I thought that surely I would able to attend an exercise class fairly regularly, given that I'm home almost all the time. But here we are nearly 14 months after the birth of my son, and I can barely find time to shower much less leave the house without my kid freaking out from the separation anxiety.
On one hand, I know that this is a phase and there will come a time when he won't freak when I'm not around and he'll probably even want me to make myself scarce. But now is not that time, and Momma is the #1 person on his most-wanted list. That makes me smile. ON the other hand, *this* momma needs a break every now and then, and an hour-and-25-minutes every 3 weeks may be a little too infrequent for my sanity. I can feel myself starting to "crack" at the smallest things, and I don't like heading down that road. I tell myself nearly every morning that I'll take the necessary hour I need, but somehow it manages to not get taken. With mealtime, nap time, play time, clean-up time for next meal time, bath time, baba time, and sometimes another nap time, my world centers around this little guy.
I'm not sure how much of a complaint this is. It's more of a 'venting' than conventional complaining. I love love love watching my little man grow every day, but it is a lot having someone so dependent on you. I can't say "all of the time" because his independence is slowly blossoming. I see it. In the few moments when he's fed, nursed, well-slept, and content, he will sit and go through his toys by himself. Every once in a while he'll look up to see where Dave & I are, but mostly, he will keep himself occupied. There are other times when he'll wander off to check out something new, then come back to give me a hug (make sure I'm still there and watching), and then go back to explore. It's an amazing thing to watch.
Anyway, W was contentedly playing by himself when Dave returned from a meetup, and I was watching a movie (and W). It was in that moment I realized just how important and necessary my hour-long excursions are. It is the difference between me enjoying W's dependence on me and my resentment of it. I much prefer the former!!
Moral of the story? Momma needs to take time out for herself, if not daily, then at least 2-3 times a week. I'm still working up to daily. :)
On one hand, I know that this is a phase and there will come a time when he won't freak when I'm not around and he'll probably even want me to make myself scarce. But now is not that time, and Momma is the #1 person on his most-wanted list. That makes me smile. ON the other hand, *this* momma needs a break every now and then, and an hour-and-25-minutes every 3 weeks may be a little too infrequent for my sanity. I can feel myself starting to "crack" at the smallest things, and I don't like heading down that road. I tell myself nearly every morning that I'll take the necessary hour I need, but somehow it manages to not get taken. With mealtime, nap time, play time, clean-up time for next meal time, bath time, baba time, and sometimes another nap time, my world centers around this little guy.
I'm not sure how much of a complaint this is. It's more of a 'venting' than conventional complaining. I love love love watching my little man grow every day, but it is a lot having someone so dependent on you. I can't say "all of the time" because his independence is slowly blossoming. I see it. In the few moments when he's fed, nursed, well-slept, and content, he will sit and go through his toys by himself. Every once in a while he'll look up to see where Dave & I are, but mostly, he will keep himself occupied. There are other times when he'll wander off to check out something new, then come back to give me a hug (make sure I'm still there and watching), and then go back to explore. It's an amazing thing to watch.
Anyway, W was contentedly playing by himself when Dave returned from a meetup, and I was watching a movie (and W). It was in that moment I realized just how important and necessary my hour-long excursions are. It is the difference between me enjoying W's dependence on me and my resentment of it. I much prefer the former!!
Moral of the story? Momma needs to take time out for herself, if not daily, then at least 2-3 times a week. I'm still working up to daily. :)
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